Warning: what follows was written in a moment of huge intolerance toward the ADM, therefore it contains a high level of bitterness and free malice. Don’t hate me for this and just have a laugh: I’m only kidding! Even because, if I didn’t laugh about it, I’d have my good reasons for crying, believe me. In the end, Dutch guys, ik hou van jullie, a bit. And I’ll concede it: maybe somewhere out there, there’s a Dutch guy who actually isn’t an asshole.
Take a random ADM, the first beanpole with gel-covered hair and brown shoes you bump into. Done? Good. Put him in front of a lekker biertje and a portion of kaassoufflé. Done? Splendid. Now make the decisive question: what makes of a Dutch a Dutch and not – dunno – a German? (Talking, for no reason, about Germany and its inhabitants in front of a Dutch is – and forever will be – one of my favourite hobbies).
Once the question is made, don’t expect any original answer, since the ADM can be distinguished in two categories:
Type A: he’ll say that what makes of a Dutch a real Dutch is being open-minded, tolerant, a bit cold, kind of tight-fisted, but – most of all – very, very direct. He’ll then admit that he has all these characteristics.
Type B: he’ll tell you how the Dutch like to appear (to themselves and the rest of the world) as tolerant and open-minded people, when – in fact – they are totally the opposite; he’ll add then all the characteristics listed by type A and conclude with a coup de théâtre: you – how lucky! – are in front of the only existent example of non-Dutch Dutch, i.e. a Dutch guy in which directness is the only survived typical Dutch aspect, when for the rest he is open-minded, generous and has a warm personality, not so common for a Northern person.
Warning: ADM of type B are commonly more Dutch than those of type A.
Let’s focus now on the most distinguishing aspect of an ADM: the directness. As it was said, it doesn’t matter if an ADM considers himself as a typical or an atypical Dutch, he’ll always describe himself as “direct”. Trust me, if you’ll ever have the chance to engage with Dutch people, this adjective will torment you and you’ll quite often find yourself asking where exactly does directness end and rudeness begin.
Dutch directness, especially in the romantic field, matches very well with the typical lack of sensitivity and tact of these cold, Northern individuals: almost incapable of feeling affection or sympathy, they rarely appear to an external eye as cute and nice teddy bears, but more often as heartless, grouchy individuals.
Some examples of Dutch directness (or “asshole-ness”?):
– “Well, your ass is kinda big!”. I’m aware of that, there’s no need for you to make me notice that, especially as nobody asked for your opinion (yep, I’m not one of those women that ask “Do you think I’m fat?” to get an evident lie as an answer). “But I’m direct!”.
– When, in the middle of a “love nest game”, you sweetly point out a moment of distraction on his side: “Yeah, sorry, it’s that I was thinking about this project I’ve been working on, you know, there’s a detail that…”. The answer for your consequent, understandable anger is – of course: “But I’m direct!”.
– “Your beer was two euro sixty. You gave me two fifty, so you still owe me ten cents” … “What? I’m direct!” (And stingy. And don’t talk about the fact that here in Holland equality of the sexes is a real thing, differently than in Italy).
Be careful, tho, there’s one occasion when the ADM isn’t direct: when he’s explicitly asked to be direct.
Date a Dutch guy for a while, be honest and open with him, let him appreciate this aspect of yours (and all the more typical Italian ones), start to admire his directness, sure that it’s an unchangeable – and all in all appreciable – aspect of his personality and let it slowly cook for a few months. Well, now it’s time to ask a feedback about what you’re living: so, do we seriously like each other? Are we dating exclusively? Isn’t it only mere lust? Let him answer: yes/yes/of course not.
It’s at this point that… puff! The magic happens: the disappearance of the Dutch.
Put in front of this juicy opportunity to show that directness he’s so proud of (i.e. giving you a clear and explicit “I’m no longer interested in you”/“I’m going back to my ex”/“I’ve finally found the courage to confess my feelings to Daan”), the ADM becomes shy, prefers to be modest, hiding behind an inexplicable silence. After all, “we’ve been dating only for three months, if I just stop paying attention to her, she won’t even notice I’ve disappeared”.